The New iPhone is Here!

New technologies are a common theme here at Bibliowhining. I'm not anti-technology, but I like to question things. For example, why does my tape Walkman from the early 90s still function while these new phones and MP3 players and such break after fewer than five years? Why are so many people okay with that, rewarding shoddy craftsmanship with repeat purchases from the same company? And why is manufacturing and throwing away plastic products year after year considered more "green" than a book or record album that you'd keep forever, sell or give away to a friend? Why do we buy things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people we don't like? Anyway, here's a quick comic about the new iPhones.

Where's The Beat? Part 3

Here's Part 3 of the Mediocre Narcotica origin story "Where's the Beat?" If you just tuned in, be sure to catch up with 

PART ONE

and

PART TWO.

Thanks for tuning in to Bibliowhining! In the next and final installment, Mediocre Narcotica will fast forward 30 years to 2012, where they will witness some of their aging punk heroes on stage. Will it be disillusioning or as inspirational as it was in the 80s? Join us next time to find out.

The Bibliowhining Guide to Better Budgeting

Thinking about buying a Kindle, Nook or other e-book reader? Wondering how to survive on a shoestring budget in today's modern world? The Bibliowhining Guide to Better Budgeting can help!

"The Bibliowhining Guide to Better Budgeting" (c) 2012, Chrissy Spallone

While you're here, I added some new original art to my Etsy store if you're in a buyin' kinda mood. It's the opposite of better budgeting, but Bibliowhining has something for everyone :)

Where's the Beat? Part 2

Northstar, Kevin Keller, the upcoming mystery DC character -- the comic stance on diversity is evolving, and it's high time for one of my core characters to suddenly announce his membership in a minority group. Read on to see who it is, but if you haven't already,

READ PART ONE OF "WHERE'S THE BEAT?"

"Where's the Beat" Part 2. (c) 2012, Chrissy Spallone 

Will Hikiko convert Sam and Marcy to his straight edge lifestyle? Will the group converge to form a classic hardcore band? Tune in next time for the thrilling continuation of "Where's the Beat?"

READ PART 3 OF "WHERE'S THE BEAT?"

What Does Your Breakfast Sandwich Say About You?

Having graduated from an elite psychology program, I possess a well of knowledge for all things related to human behavior. Like the editors of Seventeen magazine, I’ve observed that your choice of breakfast egg & cheese sandwich says a lot about you and the friends you choose.

1. Philadelphia Food Truck Egg and Cheese

Because the Philly Food Trucks aren’t as popular or overtly cheerful as the fast food chains, some avoid them in favor of “safer” fare. Don’t be fooled: despite the lack of advertising and “service with a smile,” there’s love in that there sandwich. 

These guys will do anything for you – they’ll stand out in the hot sun and cold rain to serve you breakfast, and they’ll even put the salt, pepper and ketchup directly on the sandwich -- if you want those seasonings, that is. It’s always the perfect amount. With six simple ingredients – cheese, eggs, salt, pepper, ketchup and a roll – the Philadelphia Food Truck guys can whip up an amazingly delicious, wholesome meal like the mother you never had. These sandwiches would like to have a meaningful, sympatico relationship with you. 

2. Fast Food Restaurant Egg & Cheese

Swayed by commercial jingles and glossy photographs, everyone knows that fast food restaurant breakfast sandwiches are the same no matter where he goes. Many prefer service with a nectarian smile of dubious sincerity and the idea that they know what they’re getting – though surely much darkness lies beneath that plastic veneer. 

Like the fly girl at the club, these sandwiches “put themselves out there.” For this reason, many believe these sandwiches are good-quality and worth seeking out. Soaking up bull like the egg in your sandwich, you are a sponge. 

3. Homemade Egg & Cheese Sandwich

Neither a leader nor a follower, you are a loner and surely on your way to becoming a serial killer. What’s that in your closet? Dead bodies and secrets shared with no one. 

As an extrovert who loves partying, I know that my interests and ideas of fun are exactly the same as everyone else’s unless they are crazy. If you fall into the latter category, I’ll order up a nice Wellbutrin/Lexapro/Clonazepam combo to change your nature enough to prevent others from feeling uncomfortable around you. Would you like fries and a soft drink with that?

Go out there and buy yourself a Sausage McMuffin, you antisocial weasel!

 

Merry Christmas from Bibliowhining.

Proposed Facebook Changes for the New Year (2012)

Hi, I'm Mark Duckernerd, the dark lord of the Internet.

Just as a heads up: over the next few weeks, I shall be rolling out some changes to "You-Know-What" that some might find upsetting. These changes will greatly affect the way you interact with friends and loved ones, and, more importantly, the way you buy and sell things on the Internet.

As the Apocalypse draws nearer, it is of utmost importance that I make as much money as possible from its great whore, a creature more commonly known as FACEBOOK.

I have billions of dollars, but it is imperative that I make trillions more at the risk of severing countless friendships with silly drama and sucking all of you into a mind-numbing, addictive rut. What is more insulting, the facts explicated in the last sentence or the strongly implied assumption that I know what's best for you? Yes, despite your initial whines and protests, you will yield to and eventually love everything I do.


But it's all the same in the end. Of course I know what's best for you -- after all, I went to Harvard for a year. What's best for you is what's best for me: instant gratification at the risk of losing your soul.

tl;dr? No problem! I understand you're very busy. Enjoy this list of awesome fb changes!


1. Auto-Comment
Great news! Now you don't have to think about writing anything anymore! Facebook will use its AMAZING algorithm to scan your "friends'" statuses for content, and will auto-reply with the appropriate stock comment!

Somebody's birthday? No need to go through the GRUELING procedure of "walling an hb!" Facebook auto-comment will do it for you! Someone's loved one died? Facebook will scan for the words and phrases "passed away," "RIP," or "died" and will auto-comment "I'm sorry for your loss" or one of five similar messages on your behalf.

Facebook will also scan for jokes and profound quotes! If a mutual friend comments "lol," "haha" or "you're absolutely right" in response to a friend's status, Facebook will slap on a similar message in your name!

2. Facebook Storefront
We've noticed how much you enjoy logging in to your Facebook account before commenting on news stories and blogs around the Web. All of your friends are interested in all the same news stories that you are and want to read everything you have to say about all of them, with all anonymity removed! Taking that logic one step further, it will soon be impossible to buy or sell anything online before logging into your Facebook. After making a purchase, the item you bought will be displayed on your wall and your friends' feeds! That way, they can share in your shopping pleasure with the option to purchase an identical item!

3. Facebook Wingman
Men: Facebook got your back! Whenever one of your unattached lady friends posts a cheesecake photo of herself, Facebook will scan the photo and compare it to your past girlfriends' body types to see if it suits your tastes. If it does, the machine will "like" it and auto-comment a stock compliment! Don't worry about drama; Facebook will first check whether you're gay, in a relationship or married before "liking." Or maybe not...its capricious like that.

Check out how Facebook Wingman aids Mallard Failmore as he courts young Downy Duckbottom:

4. "Peek-a-Boo" Chat
Imagine: everyone on your friends list can join the party as you engage in a private conversation with one of your pals. We plan to implement this feature randomly, when you least expect it. It gives us the element of surprise.

As you can see in the lower right hand corner, Mallard can enjoy Downy and Marshy's little virtual catfight, all thanks to "Peek-a-Boo" chat.

...So them's the changes, folks! I know your little mouths are agape, your heads shaking vigorously at the creepiness of it all. I also know you'll grow to love it -- just like you've acquired a taste for the budget beer that features so prominently in your photo galleries. I love how you all contrive situations and moments with the ultimate goal of posting them on Facebook and getting loads of little red notifications in the upper left hand corner. By all means, don't enjoy the simple pleasures of that party, concert or trip in real time as you had in years gone by.

Sometimes I sit back in my cubicle throne and chuckle at your exhibitionism. Sheep, think I. Then I get distracted and tab over to YouTube for a bit.

Remember: this is Duckernerd talking, I have temporarily taken control of Chrissy's blog.

tl;dr? Awesome! Hope you like the changes, honey!

"Thanks For the Great Changes, Facebook" a meme by Chrissy Spallone

ETA: Oh yeah, and Happy Thanksgiving!

Fasc-Book is Here!

FASC-BOOK IS HERE!!!

Sick of the ordinary, mind-numbing social networking sites? Looking for something a little more…superior? 

Remember when Facebook required all users to have a .edu email address? As Harvard alumni and viewers of The Social Network know, Facebook once limited access to Harvard students alone, separating its exclusive club of networkers from the unwashed, uneducated masses on MySpace. Well, that limitation went down the toilet pretty quick, didn’t it? As you accepted friend requests from your grandmother and dog, Facebook became more and more like its Cro-Magnon forefathers, distinguished only by its devastatingly addictive information architecture and branding.

We at Fasc-book strive to regain that exclusivity. As a Fasc-book user, rest assured that only you and a select minority will ever have access to this precious, superior social networking site.

Just send us a blood sample! Fasc-book authorities will run a quick analysis to determine whether your genetic makeup is pure enough to connect with and share Internet memes with others of your ilk. Once verified, you will receive a pass-code granting access to the network.

Check out this exclusive preview! (Click on the image to see it larger.)

Remember Google +, the obvious Facebook knockoff that lit up the twitterverse and blogosphere for a couple weeks in July of 2011? That never really caught on, did it? Who wants to spend time duplicating their friends lists, statuses, self-report data and photos onto a separate but not equal network that offers nothing new?

Join us at Fasc-book, the Facebook alternative with a purpose beyond simple theft. Segregate yourself with Fasc-book. The future is here!

Friends are Fun with Fungible Friends

I conceived this Sea Monkeys comic book ad parody while doing laundry this afternoon and couldn't wait to draw and share it! I even used a hair dryer to dry the ink faster.

"Fungible Friends," (c)2011, Chrissy Spallone

Check out the lady Fungible Friend, The three legs are faithful to the original ad:

I know it's technically a tail, but the adman's intentions are clear: Sea Monkeys will make you virile.

Help Bibliowhining go viral! Share comics you like on inVacebook and become a fan!

Dr. Rip Me Off

"Dr Rip Me Off" (c) 2011, Chrissy Spallone

The song title entries were fun, but for organization purposes I'm gonna start naming my entries more obviously. Of course, "Dr. Rip Me Off" is technically a song now. Pretty meta, huh? Is that the right way to use that word?

Born This Way

Just like people of color or people in the gay/transgender/bi community are "born this way," I was "born this way" as an introvert. If you like art, books or music, chances are you have an introvert in your list of heroes. That quiet, secretive kid in class may give you the creeps or seem boring, but give him a chance! Introvert Pride! I was BORN THIS WAY, BABY! (Written in black, the official color for introvert pride).

 "Idoling" (c) 2011, Chrissy Spallone

I did this story a few years ago, but the drawing and writing were so clunky I decided to redo it. It was a fan favorite.

Speaking of "American Idol," did anyone catch that earnest young Italian trio "Il Volo" performing the classic song "O Sole Mio"? I thought they were a last-minute replacement for a relevant group, but now I'm seeing and, unfortunately, hearing them everywhere! The kids are into it, huh?

Since around 1997, I've been thinking, "Pop music can't get any worse than this," but this "popera" trip really threw me for a loop. BRAVO, guys! Didn't see this one coming. "Backstreet's Back" is actually sounding pretty good these days -- we're getting old, guys!


GOOD-NIGHT!

Killer Tofu

 

"Branny Culture" (c) 2011, Christina Spallone

TV Eye

Is

 Ruining Your Life?

Whenever I sit in a cafe or a library that's supposed to be quiet, I can't help but overhear folks conversing about the world's most fascinating topic: FACEBOOK.

"I have more friends than I can handle! I sure don't wanna make any more!!!"

"So and so keeps 'liking' my statuses, and it's driving me nuts! Is there a way to remove someone's 'like' from my post?"

"This TOTALLY WEIRD LOSER like sent me a friend request...but WHY?"

I suppose I've done my share of complaining, too. Even so, I can't help but think back to a simpler time when artists and writers -- even Stan Lee and other famous folks -- would include their business or personal mailing addresses in pamphlets and zines with an INVITATION for fans to correspond. Not just contact info -- an INVITATION! Quite the opposite today! Log into Facebook and you see stuff like this chillin' on your feed:

Isn't this nuts?! Disgracebook makes it so easy to make "friends" that some people are desperate to stop the flow of future friends and correspondence! Some make themselves unsearchable, or command others to alter personal privacy settings for their benefit! Yes, not so long ago, you had people of Stan Lee's renown inviting fans -- strangers -- to send in letters. In today's world, the kids from your high school and mine -- even those who haven't hit the big time -- are bending over backwards to avoid and delete surplus "friends."

NOT SURE HOW TO HANDLE YOUR THOUSANDS OF FRIENDS?

PARANOID THAT YOU MIGHT MAKE MORE?!

To you I present:

THE BIBLIOWHINING GUIDE TO FACEBOOK ETIQUETTE & MANAGEMENT

1. Stop sending friend requests to people you have absolutely no interest in.
Often, I would receive friend requests from old passers-by who barely/never conversed with me, or even disdained me in the past. This would be fine, except then I would message the person with a friendly "How've you been?" or somesuch, and get nothing in response. In fact, the old school chums ceased all contact after the initial add! Never would they "like" my statuses, comment on my posts, reply to my short, occasional questions or become a fan of this blog. 

The ultimate goal had been accomplished: Adding one friend to a big list of friends, a pawn in the great scheme to create a smokescreen of power and popularity!

Before sending a friend request, think, "Do I really have any interest in this person whatsoever? Is there anything about her that I admire? Her talents? His looks? His wit and intellect? Her connections, even?" If the answer is no, simply don't add the friend. Instead, make up a fake profile for your pet or a celebrity. Add it to your friends. This way, you'll have one more friend:

On a similar note, if someone you don't care for sends you a friend request, simply let it be. Don't accept it and don't reject it -- at least not right away. This only causes problems and heartache!

2. Don't broadcast your hot pics/personal problems to the world unless you want attention/sympathy from all your friends.

-- Have you ever posted a photo of yourself wearing a bikini, hoping your crush would discover it and ask you out on a date? Only to have your crush IGNORE you and five gross NERDS compliment you instead!!!

 Ugh, how embarrassing, right? But of course you're too shy and modest to send the bathing suit photo directly to your crush.

I have a solution for you. See that little padlock icon right next to the share box? You don't see it right away, but as soon as you preview a photo or begin to type text it will appear:

The padlock settings let you control who sees your pics and posts. The default is "Everyone" (or whatever you set up in your account settings). But look!

You can select "customize" to limit who sees your pics. As you see in the tutorial, Downy altered her photo settings to prevent Poindexter Bottlefly from commenting on her bikini pic, cramping her style.

You can also select "customize" to make your photos visible to your CRUSH ONLY! Here's how:

To save time in the future, you can click that checkbox at the bottom to make it your default setting.

See? After your photo downloads, the little lock appears. Mouse over it to confirm that ONLY YOUR CRUSH can see the hot pic.

Hope I didn't open up a can of worms there.

3. Want to get into a long, personal conversation with a friend? Don't write on his wall -- Send him a message!

I know that when you first click "send a message," only a tiny centimeter of space appears, assuming you have nothing substantial to say. As you type, however, the message box EXPANDS, allowing you to write as much as you wish!

Posting a comment directly on your friend's wall lets the whole world read your personal business. Some people are shocked when someone in the "real world" mentions a tidbit of information, read on Facebook, that was meant as a surreptitious dialogue. Avoid this wildness by keeping private matters private. Which brings me to the next point...

4. Realize that Facebook isn't a personal diary, but a social network displaying your information and thoughts to all your friends, if not the entire world. 

"How'd you get my number?" asks the flaky no-show from your group project.

"How did you know I'd be in town this week?" asks the high-school chum who wants nothing to do with you anymore.

"What makes you think I'm single?" asks the cute crush who doesn't return your affections.

Yes, everyone can read your Facebook information and thoughts, not just the guy/gal you have a crush on.

Scary stuff, huh? Well, if Disgracebook is ruining your life, there are a few options:

• Follow the tutorial above to ensure only your crush can see your posts.
• Continue using Facebook as normal, lose your mind, and play into the great scheme to destroy civilization. 
• Get off of Facebook and put your saved time into writing anti-Facebook articles.
• Explore a new hobby that doesn't involve being connected to the Internet. Gardening, crosshatching with a dip pen, or playing football are viable options. Check into Facebook only occasionally, to see what's going on in the hood. Report your activity to an accountability partner.
• Just post funny stuff or your artwork and business related business, avoiding emotional involvement with others in your network. Share laughs and articles and be yourself without the drama! Ha ha!

The Choice is Yours.