Flame Broiled: Diary of a Burger Flipper Issue #2 is here!

I've put off making comics long enough, and once again used Mini-Comics Day as an excuse to break from paying work and just have fun drawing as I did in the days before adulthood.

Flame Broiled: Diary of a Burger Flipper Issued #2 is finally here! Contact me to order your $2.00 copy today (free shipping).

In this episode, New Girl graduates from toasting buns to making cheeseburgers and hamburgers! But is she up for the job? Plus, someone orders a four-piece chicken strips meal, but there's only an eight piece left! How will New Girl get out of that one?

Like Issue #1 (the most popular comic I've ever done), this episode recounts based-on-true tales of working in the fast food industry. Not an undercover, Nickel And Dimed type expose on the working poor, this is more like a casual diary sharing humor and humiliation from a time when no other job prospects were available. Many will relate to these silly fast food dramas, so just enjoy the read!

Email me to order your copy today! Issue #1 is still available, too. Get the full set -- a bargain at $2 each -- that's half the price of a measly gluten-free cupcake, but it lasts twice as long!

(Now I realize that I left one of the originals on the copy machine, and oh how smart I feel. Hopefully it's still around, not on its way to being a sheet of recycled paper. I remember the last time this happened...)

The New iPhone is Here!

New technologies are a common theme here at Bibliowhining. I'm not anti-technology, but I like to question things. For example, why does my tape Walkman from the early 90s still function while these new phones and MP3 players and such break after fewer than five years? Why are so many people okay with that, rewarding shoddy craftsmanship with repeat purchases from the same company? And why is manufacturing and throwing away plastic products year after year considered more "green" than a book or record album that you'd keep forever, sell or give away to a friend? Why do we buy things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people we don't like? Anyway, here's a quick comic about the new iPhones.

Where's The Beat? Part 3

Here's Part 3 of the Mediocre Narcotica origin story "Where's the Beat?" If you just tuned in, be sure to catch up with 

PART ONE

and

PART TWO.

Thanks for tuning in to Bibliowhining! In the next and final installment, Mediocre Narcotica will fast forward 30 years to 2012, where they will witness some of their aging punk heroes on stage. Will it be disillusioning or as inspirational as it was in the 80s? Join us next time to find out.

The Bibliowhining Guide to Better Budgeting

Thinking about buying a Kindle, Nook or other e-book reader? Wondering how to survive on a shoestring budget in today's modern world? The Bibliowhining Guide to Better Budgeting can help!

"The Bibliowhining Guide to Better Budgeting" (c) 2012, Chrissy Spallone

While you're here, I added some new original art to my Etsy store if you're in a buyin' kinda mood. It's the opposite of better budgeting, but Bibliowhining has something for everyone :)

Where's the Beat? Part 2

Northstar, Kevin Keller, the upcoming mystery DC character -- the comic stance on diversity is evolving, and it's high time for one of my core characters to suddenly announce his membership in a minority group. Read on to see who it is, but if you haven't already,

READ PART ONE OF "WHERE'S THE BEAT?"

"Where's the Beat" Part 2. (c) 2012, Chrissy Spallone 

Will Hikiko convert Sam and Marcy to his straight edge lifestyle? Will the group converge to form a classic hardcore band? Tune in next time for the thrilling continuation of "Where's the Beat?"

READ PART 3 OF "WHERE'S THE BEAT?"

The Colors, Luke; The Colors!

Isn't it ironic how Dr. Seuss' The Lorax is all about the environment vs. corporate greed but the new movie has product tie-ins up the wazoo? To address the matter, I wrote and illustrated a Lorax parody called "The Loraxe."

I made this with Prismacolor markers. Those things are expensive, so I layered colors over each other to make different shades of green, grays, etc. I never did anything significant with Prismacolor markers before, and I was pleased at how well they worked.

Where's the Beat? Part 1

Here's part 1 of "Where's the Beat," the origin story of straightedge hardcore band Mediocre Narcotica. If you're not familiar with that band, read about them in past blog entries or buy this inexpensive comic book. The book is in black and white, so it can double as a coloring book! You can color the Internet comics, too, if you aren't worried about ruining your monitor.

 

"Where's the Beat" Part 1. (c) 2012, Chrissy Spallone

This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

READ PART 2 HERE!

Proposed Facebook Changes for the New Year (2012)

Hi, I'm Mark Duckernerd, the dark lord of the Internet.

Just as a heads up: over the next few weeks, I shall be rolling out some changes to "You-Know-What" that some might find upsetting. These changes will greatly affect the way you interact with friends and loved ones, and, more importantly, the way you buy and sell things on the Internet.

As the Apocalypse draws nearer, it is of utmost importance that I make as much money as possible from its great whore, a creature more commonly known as FACEBOOK.

I have billions of dollars, but it is imperative that I make trillions more at the risk of severing countless friendships with silly drama and sucking all of you into a mind-numbing, addictive rut. What is more insulting, the facts explicated in the last sentence or the strongly implied assumption that I know what's best for you? Yes, despite your initial whines and protests, you will yield to and eventually love everything I do.


But it's all the same in the end. Of course I know what's best for you -- after all, I went to Harvard for a year. What's best for you is what's best for me: instant gratification at the risk of losing your soul.

tl;dr? No problem! I understand you're very busy. Enjoy this list of awesome fb changes!


1. Auto-Comment
Great news! Now you don't have to think about writing anything anymore! Facebook will use its AMAZING algorithm to scan your "friends'" statuses for content, and will auto-reply with the appropriate stock comment!

Somebody's birthday? No need to go through the GRUELING procedure of "walling an hb!" Facebook auto-comment will do it for you! Someone's loved one died? Facebook will scan for the words and phrases "passed away," "RIP," or "died" and will auto-comment "I'm sorry for your loss" or one of five similar messages on your behalf.

Facebook will also scan for jokes and profound quotes! If a mutual friend comments "lol," "haha" or "you're absolutely right" in response to a friend's status, Facebook will slap on a similar message in your name!

2. Facebook Storefront
We've noticed how much you enjoy logging in to your Facebook account before commenting on news stories and blogs around the Web. All of your friends are interested in all the same news stories that you are and want to read everything you have to say about all of them, with all anonymity removed! Taking that logic one step further, it will soon be impossible to buy or sell anything online before logging into your Facebook. After making a purchase, the item you bought will be displayed on your wall and your friends' feeds! That way, they can share in your shopping pleasure with the option to purchase an identical item!

3. Facebook Wingman
Men: Facebook got your back! Whenever one of your unattached lady friends posts a cheesecake photo of herself, Facebook will scan the photo and compare it to your past girlfriends' body types to see if it suits your tastes. If it does, the machine will "like" it and auto-comment a stock compliment! Don't worry about drama; Facebook will first check whether you're gay, in a relationship or married before "liking." Or maybe not...its capricious like that.

Check out how Facebook Wingman aids Mallard Failmore as he courts young Downy Duckbottom:

4. "Peek-a-Boo" Chat
Imagine: everyone on your friends list can join the party as you engage in a private conversation with one of your pals. We plan to implement this feature randomly, when you least expect it. It gives us the element of surprise.

As you can see in the lower right hand corner, Mallard can enjoy Downy and Marshy's little virtual catfight, all thanks to "Peek-a-Boo" chat.

...So them's the changes, folks! I know your little mouths are agape, your heads shaking vigorously at the creepiness of it all. I also know you'll grow to love it -- just like you've acquired a taste for the budget beer that features so prominently in your photo galleries. I love how you all contrive situations and moments with the ultimate goal of posting them on Facebook and getting loads of little red notifications in the upper left hand corner. By all means, don't enjoy the simple pleasures of that party, concert or trip in real time as you had in years gone by.

Sometimes I sit back in my cubicle throne and chuckle at your exhibitionism. Sheep, think I. Then I get distracted and tab over to YouTube for a bit.

Remember: this is Duckernerd talking, I have temporarily taken control of Chrissy's blog.

tl;dr? Awesome! Hope you like the changes, honey!

"Thanks For the Great Changes, Facebook" a meme by Chrissy Spallone

ETA: Oh yeah, and Happy Thanksgiving!

Fasc-Book is Here!

FASC-BOOK IS HERE!!!

Sick of the ordinary, mind-numbing social networking sites? Looking for something a little more…superior? 

Remember when Facebook required all users to have a .edu email address? As Harvard alumni and viewers of The Social Network know, Facebook once limited access to Harvard students alone, separating its exclusive club of networkers from the unwashed, uneducated masses on MySpace. Well, that limitation went down the toilet pretty quick, didn’t it? As you accepted friend requests from your grandmother and dog, Facebook became more and more like its Cro-Magnon forefathers, distinguished only by its devastatingly addictive information architecture and branding.

We at Fasc-book strive to regain that exclusivity. As a Fasc-book user, rest assured that only you and a select minority will ever have access to this precious, superior social networking site.

Just send us a blood sample! Fasc-book authorities will run a quick analysis to determine whether your genetic makeup is pure enough to connect with and share Internet memes with others of your ilk. Once verified, you will receive a pass-code granting access to the network.

Check out this exclusive preview! (Click on the image to see it larger.)

Remember Google +, the obvious Facebook knockoff that lit up the twitterverse and blogosphere for a couple weeks in July of 2011? That never really caught on, did it? Who wants to spend time duplicating their friends lists, statuses, self-report data and photos onto a separate but not equal network that offers nothing new?

Join us at Fasc-book, the Facebook alternative with a purpose beyond simple theft. Segregate yourself with Fasc-book. The future is here!

PRINTED COMICS ARE HERE!

In this digital age where nearly every song, movie and comic is freely available, we sometimes forget the art of the album. The way the artist carefully organizes her tracks to make the whole album flow together so cohesively. The way the cover art complements the music -- especially on an LP. Remember looking at those old record sleeves for hours, taking it all in? Wasn't it nice to hold a solid object in your hand? Wasn't it a breath of fresh air, knowing that solid object would always be there for you, would never disappear due to some computer crash or the malfunctioning of a device designed to become obsolete in a year, a month?

Sure you can read my comics on here, for free, but why not buy the printed version? Pass it to your friends, turn a flashlight on and read it under the bedsheets after hours -- free yourself from reading things on the horrible Internet, where Facebook and email and unfinished homework hover on the next tab, distracting you and robbing you of your childlike peace of mind.

MEDIOCRE NARCOTICA'S GREATEST HITS VOL. 1 -- $3.99 - CHEAP!

14 pages in glorious black and white with color covers, no ads. Includes Mediocre Narcotica comics created from 2010 through 2011 and funny fake advertisements. Professionally printed and bound. 8.5 by 11 inches.

Lots of fun text to read and detailed, old-school pen-and-ink drawings to pick apart. I know you'll enjoy it, and it costs less than a fancy coffee drink!

Shipping is free. Contact me to order your copy or copies today! My Paypal address is the same as my contact email, so if you prefer, you can simply send payment via Paypal with a note about what you want to buy. Minimal human interaction required!

Friends are Fun with Fungible Friends

I conceived this Sea Monkeys comic book ad parody while doing laundry this afternoon and couldn't wait to draw and share it! I even used a hair dryer to dry the ink faster.

"Fungible Friends," (c)2011, Chrissy Spallone

Check out the lady Fungible Friend, The three legs are faithful to the original ad:

I know it's technically a tail, but the adman's intentions are clear: Sea Monkeys will make you virile.

Help Bibliowhining go viral! Share comics you like on inVacebook and become a fan!

Dr. Rip Me Off

"Dr Rip Me Off" (c) 2011, Chrissy Spallone

The song title entries were fun, but for organization purposes I'm gonna start naming my entries more obviously. Of course, "Dr. Rip Me Off" is technically a song now. Pretty meta, huh? Is that the right way to use that word?

Lola

"Banana Slug Love" (c) 2011, Chrissy Spallone

Be True to Your School

Just wrote several giant, not-so-positive paragraphs "critiquing" art school, but in an effort to make my blog less text heavy, I posted the rant as a note on Bibliowhining's Facebook page. Check it out! I hope you "like" it.

On a lighter note, last week I went to Moo Tattoo in Philadelphia, becoming the client of this excellent artist. He does comics, too. Appreciating his style and always seeking to better my own craft, I asked him various questions about what kind of white out to use, etc., and also how to do lettering nicely without typing it out on the computer.

Despite the popularity of my beloved “Ames Lettering Guide” tutorial, there has to be a better way. It’s tedious to position the ruler and draw all those perfectly-spaced lines every time, but I really prefer the warm, hand-done look to typed letters. An alternative, I learned, is to use a light desk and place a piece of ruled or graph paper between the desk and the Bristol board so the lines show through. I knew about using light desks for tracing before, but never thought of this useful application. So simple, just like every other helpful tip I’ve received here and there from editors and various other comic and storytelling connoisseurs who’ve passed through my life at one time or another.

Remember, folks: tattoos may be expensive, but not as expensive as art school! And certainly less painful than sitting through those damn critiques.

Being a little on the thrifty side, I thought I’d try making a ghetto light desk myself, just for the purposes of lettering. Looking around my small apartment, I found the ingredients:

• A gooseneck lamp I got from the Syracuse University move-out trash last year.

• A TCBY plastic advertising sign taken from the trash way back when I worked at TCBY.

• Four volumes of “The Complete Peanuts” by Charles Schulz, published by Fantagraphics Books. Most certainly NOT trash! I may have gotten some of them half off with my intern discount.

Check it out: if I place my gooseneck lamp so the light shines up, it will illuminate the TCBY sign "desk." The two Peanuts collections are placed to elevate the "desk."

See?

Now a sheet of notebook paper or graph paper...

...And a sheet of Bristol board over that. See? The ruled lines show through the Brisol board!

Now I can letter with ease. And there you have it! Works for what I need it for. Obviously the TCBY logo is too distracting for this to work as a proper light desk, but for lettering alone it does a'ight.

IS THIS THE END OF THE AMES LETTERING GUIDE? Naw... I don't have the heart.