Cat's in the Cradle

Hej gang!

I can't find a real job up to my standards, so I've been supplementing my unemployment checks with my own online business!

Three days a week (I can't work any more than that or I'll lose my unemployment), I go to JoAnn Fabrics and purchase thread and plastic beads. Next, I string the beads on the thread to make necklaces or bracelets which I sell for a profit in my Etsy shop! It's hard work, but you gotta do what you gotta do in this economy. I've got a kid to support!

Brown Hope Bracelet ($10.00)

Sometimes I don't feel like getting up to buy beads, so I just upcycle some junk I have lying around the house. Here's an oriole feeder I made out of thread, raisins and orange slices: 

You pass the thread through your window screen, secure the ends, and presto!! If you live on an upper level, it's squirrel proof, too! I'm selling these beauties for $5.00 a pop. Sorry, oranges not included anymore -- I've had customers complain about the mold and swarms of fruit flies shooting out at them as they opened the package.

Oriole Feeder ($5.00)

I took the knitting EXCO offered in library school, but that turned out to be an "Epic Fail" as the kids love to say. Since I can't knit in the traditional sense, I've been "finger-knitting" these long thin things. 

Perhaps you can wear one as an ironic belt -- the kids are into that sort of thing, right? Or perhaps I'll glue some eyes to one end and pass off my creations as little snake toys!

Sammy the Snake ($15.00)

Well sayonara, I have a cat to take care of. "Taking care of a cat takes 5 minutes a day at most," you say? Haha, you got me! I'm just going to eat some donuts in front of the TV. Check it out!

Meat Party

Ladies and gentlemen, "Swiney Todd" (c) 2011, Chrissy Spallone

I wrote this "rap" (read it again with rap in mind in case the foot and meter was throwing you off) in the shower a couple weeks ago. It gets boring in there sometimes...not much else to do once I'm finished reading the riddles on my shampoo bottles. Showering is one of my least favorite things to do, but I try to make the best of it.

The gym is another common place where ideas are born. I wrote "Bun Home" on a rowing machine...

I hope you enjoyed "Swiney Todd". The medium is all pencils of varying hardnesses. I used a kneaded eraser to highlight areas where light would hit. One of my favorite techniques.

Cars

Bibliowhining is back, and that means our favorite jerk Dunkin Swine is also back!

"Dunkin's Drivers" (c) 2010, Chrissy Spallone

D.S.

Dunkin Swine joins us again today on the Bib. They say write what you know!

"Slob Interview" (c)2010 Chrissy Spallone

As a disclaimer, I love my school and the opportunities I've been given here. This comic has been a humorously-intended exaggeration of some composite experiences that my colleagues and I have had in our travels. Please don't let this bit of satire dissuade you from choosing the greatest, most highly ranked information studies program in the world.

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P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)

D.I.Y. (Do It Yourself)



Hoo, boy, who's the Thomas Nast who conceptualized this masterpiece (don't answer that)? What's next, a portrait of George W. Bush with a blacked-out front tooth and the caption, "What, me worry?" underneath? Oh,never mind. Of course it exists. I'm not saying that I voted for either president (though I have a funny sitcom-worthy story of my experience in the voting booth last November), so my own political views don't have any influence on my tone here. Hey, maybe if I had been the first to execute one of these Photoshop jobs I wouldn't have spent the better part of last year refilling mayonnaise bottles.

Anyhow...The sun is shinin', leases are expirin', and the trash is ripe for the pickin' here in the 'Cuse. Which means misadventures for Chrissy's porcine, punk-rock alter ego. And comic misadventures she has, under the cut.

Dunkin' Swine in "Swiner Living"



Serves me right, huh? While I abandoned anarchy as a realistic goal many years ago and find many (not all) members of that community to be shrill, preachy, priviledged (I asked one guy how he was able to mass-produce his zine inexpensively, and he confessed he broke into *his dad's* print shop to make copies for "free") and humorless, the neat secret knowledge I gained through reading subversive literature has seasoned me as the sensible and mature, yet childlike young adult I am today. Besides trash picking (and, yes, young freshman throw perfectly nice, petite clothing in the dumpster and no, I bet you can't tell which items I wear came from there as opposed to the Banana Republic), the lessons I've learned and still carry with me today include:

-How to make a large shirt into a fitted shirt exactly my size.
-Dogs enjoy boiled vegetables such as broccoli, and these are much healthier for them than regular dog treats and will help them to live a longer life (I did this for my miniature schnauzer Peppy, who passed away last summer at age 14, and he loved it).
-How to effectively calm myself down when I'm all alone.
-How to make wheatpaste, an adhesive which makes it impossible for others to tear down posters (okay, I never use it anymore, but it could come in handy someday).
-How to decrease my shipping costs by sending everything media mail.

And the list goes on; reading anarchist lit is like reading a bunch of free Klutz books. Amongst all the youthfully ignorant suggestions, like how to give yourself a silly, unfortunate prison tattoo with a safety pin and India ink, or how to shoplift or train hop effectively (don't do it!), anarchist literature has lots of neat, legal arts n' crafts to try out and useful, educational, trustworthy information about the law, health, how to (legally) cut your costs, etc. Because the people who write this stuff truly care about you and/or improving American life and culture. They earn no money from what they create, so it's all a labor of love. Furthermore, some of the zines are out of date, so you can learn some tidbits of counterculture days gone by...kids used to pour salt water in soda dispensers, which would short circuit the machines, causing them to vend free cans and money. Simpler times.

I'm a big fan of nonfiction, especially biography and D.I.Y. guides. And such things can be enjoyed even on a hot day like today; if you don't care to walk to the library, you might prefer to relax inside with a frosty carafe of lemonade and enjoy what, if I remember correctly, is the first digital library I've ever patronized...the Crimethinc Online Reading Library. This site also used to have bundles of free paper pamphlets and other freebies that they would mail out, but sadly the free store appears to be dying out. HOWEVER, if you write to them and complain that you are bored and the weather isn't nice enough to go to the library, someone will eventually take pity on you and mail you a grab-bag of goodies and a longish, neatly handwritten letter on nice stationary. Infoshop is another good one. Totse is sadly defunct. It was all so very long ago.

By the way, in keeping with the anarchist tradition of adding books to the library stacks, I "lose" some little reading materials around the iSchool from time to time. When I do, they're on the second floor on that table with the couches around it. It's usually just weeding out materials from my personal collection that I think others might find interesting.

So hopefully the digital library I linked to will stimulate your imagination somewhat...because if you want to make a political statement, you can do better than that Obama poster there. I'm not a fan of political art, but maybe that's just because it has gotten so lame over the years. Our kids at Crimethinc are still putting out some interesting stuff, at least, but they're so sequestered in their own communes that few even know they exist. Perhaps if the fellas putting up those Joker posters read the ubiquitous wheatpaste recipe embedded in many anarcho-craft guides, their stuff wouldn't be so easy to tear down.

After awhile, dystophile.