TV Eye

Is

 Ruining Your Life?

Whenever I sit in a cafe or a library that's supposed to be quiet, I can't help but overhear folks conversing about the world's most fascinating topic: FACEBOOK.

"I have more friends than I can handle! I sure don't wanna make any more!!!"

"So and so keeps 'liking' my statuses, and it's driving me nuts! Is there a way to remove someone's 'like' from my post?"

"This TOTALLY WEIRD LOSER like sent me a friend request...but WHY?"

I suppose I've done my share of complaining, too. Even so, I can't help but think back to a simpler time when artists and writers -- even Stan Lee and other famous folks -- would include their business or personal mailing addresses in pamphlets and zines with an INVITATION for fans to correspond. Not just contact info -- an INVITATION! Quite the opposite today! Log into Facebook and you see stuff like this chillin' on your feed:

Isn't this nuts?! Disgracebook makes it so easy to make "friends" that some people are desperate to stop the flow of future friends and correspondence! Some make themselves unsearchable, or command others to alter personal privacy settings for their benefit! Yes, not so long ago, you had people of Stan Lee's renown inviting fans -- strangers -- to send in letters. In today's world, the kids from your high school and mine -- even those who haven't hit the big time -- are bending over backwards to avoid and delete surplus "friends."

NOT SURE HOW TO HANDLE YOUR THOUSANDS OF FRIENDS?

PARANOID THAT YOU MIGHT MAKE MORE?!

To you I present:

THE BIBLIOWHINING GUIDE TO FACEBOOK ETIQUETTE & MANAGEMENT

1. Stop sending friend requests to people you have absolutely no interest in.
Often, I would receive friend requests from old passers-by who barely/never conversed with me, or even disdained me in the past. This would be fine, except then I would message the person with a friendly "How've you been?" or somesuch, and get nothing in response. In fact, the old school chums ceased all contact after the initial add! Never would they "like" my statuses, comment on my posts, reply to my short, occasional questions or become a fan of this blog. 

The ultimate goal had been accomplished: Adding one friend to a big list of friends, a pawn in the great scheme to create a smokescreen of power and popularity!

Before sending a friend request, think, "Do I really have any interest in this person whatsoever? Is there anything about her that I admire? Her talents? His looks? His wit and intellect? Her connections, even?" If the answer is no, simply don't add the friend. Instead, make up a fake profile for your pet or a celebrity. Add it to your friends. This way, you'll have one more friend:

On a similar note, if someone you don't care for sends you a friend request, simply let it be. Don't accept it and don't reject it -- at least not right away. This only causes problems and heartache!

2. Don't broadcast your hot pics/personal problems to the world unless you want attention/sympathy from all your friends.

-- Have you ever posted a photo of yourself wearing a bikini, hoping your crush would discover it and ask you out on a date? Only to have your crush IGNORE you and five gross NERDS compliment you instead!!!

 Ugh, how embarrassing, right? But of course you're too shy and modest to send the bathing suit photo directly to your crush.

I have a solution for you. See that little padlock icon right next to the share box? You don't see it right away, but as soon as you preview a photo or begin to type text it will appear:

The padlock settings let you control who sees your pics and posts. The default is "Everyone" (or whatever you set up in your account settings). But look!

You can select "customize" to limit who sees your pics. As you see in the tutorial, Downy altered her photo settings to prevent Poindexter Bottlefly from commenting on her bikini pic, cramping her style.

You can also select "customize" to make your photos visible to your CRUSH ONLY! Here's how:

To save time in the future, you can click that checkbox at the bottom to make it your default setting.

See? After your photo downloads, the little lock appears. Mouse over it to confirm that ONLY YOUR CRUSH can see the hot pic.

Hope I didn't open up a can of worms there.

3. Want to get into a long, personal conversation with a friend? Don't write on his wall -- Send him a message!

I know that when you first click "send a message," only a tiny centimeter of space appears, assuming you have nothing substantial to say. As you type, however, the message box EXPANDS, allowing you to write as much as you wish!

Posting a comment directly on your friend's wall lets the whole world read your personal business. Some people are shocked when someone in the "real world" mentions a tidbit of information, read on Facebook, that was meant as a surreptitious dialogue. Avoid this wildness by keeping private matters private. Which brings me to the next point...

4. Realize that Facebook isn't a personal diary, but a social network displaying your information and thoughts to all your friends, if not the entire world. 

"How'd you get my number?" asks the flaky no-show from your group project.

"How did you know I'd be in town this week?" asks the high-school chum who wants nothing to do with you anymore.

"What makes you think I'm single?" asks the cute crush who doesn't return your affections.

Yes, everyone can read your Facebook information and thoughts, not just the guy/gal you have a crush on.

Scary stuff, huh? Well, if Disgracebook is ruining your life, there are a few options:

• Follow the tutorial above to ensure only your crush can see your posts.
• Continue using Facebook as normal, lose your mind, and play into the great scheme to destroy civilization. 
• Get off of Facebook and put your saved time into writing anti-Facebook articles.
• Explore a new hobby that doesn't involve being connected to the Internet. Gardening, crosshatching with a dip pen, or playing football are viable options. Check into Facebook only occasionally, to see what's going on in the hood. Report your activity to an accountability partner.
• Just post funny stuff or your artwork and business related business, avoiding emotional involvement with others in your network. Share laughs and articles and be yourself without the drama! Ha ha!

The Choice is Yours.