Monday, March 28, 2011

The Garden


Soap Chum

Sick of washing filthy scum out of the  soap dish? Tired of refilling those dispensers or cleaning up liquid soap drippings? Soap Chum is for you! These individually-wrapped tiny soaps come in two sizes -- one for showering and an even smaller one for hand-washing! Each pack contains only enough bar soap to wash your hands once or take one shower.

Olive Oil 100-Calorie Packs

Everyone knows about the health benefits of Olive Oil! High in monounsaturated "good" fat, the miracle product stops cancer and heart disease cold in their tracks. Unfortunately, the oil is high in calories, and if you add too much to your salad if could make YOU fat -- and that's "bad"! With the big old bottles olive oil usually comes in, it's easy to accidentally add more than the 1 tbsp. serving size. But not anymore! Take care of your health while completely disregarding the health of the environment with Olive Oil 100-calorie packs!

Pre-Written Post-Its

In this fast-paced digital age, who can bother to sharpen a pencil or uncap a pen? Unfortunately, we can't avoid everything, and Pre-Written Post-Its are made for these occasions. Each note comes with one pre-written common activity or grocery item. When you need to remember to do something or get groceries, select the appropriate Post-It note(s) for the occasion and put them on your fridge or in your wallet! Pre-written Post-Its come in packs of 100 alphabetized items.

Mouthwash Shots

Our family members say they don't put their lips to the mouthwash bottle, but sometimes they lie. If you'd like to avoid contaminating yourself with your husband's or children's bacteria, try mouthwash shots. Simply rip off the protective seal, shoot the mouthwash for a burst of freshness and dispose of the plastic cup. Mouthwash shots come in monthly packages of 30 or "family size" 150. Order now and get one of those stupid single-use flossing things that's actually a real product.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Fresh Flesh

I have a tendency to overdraw things.

Recently, I drew a penciled abomination of myself (above) and used it as a tonal guide for the slicker cartoon-style pen-and-ink drawing below. Not a bad system!

I'm glad I left that Invacebook mess. I don't think I'll be back. My current setup -- no personal profile, but an active Bibliowhining Fan Page -- is ideal. Since my page "likes" my favorite comic companies, I don't miss out on as much art or wit as I thought I would. The things I've been doing to fill the time InVacebook once occupied have, in general, proven more enriching.

I tried to use InVacebook to spread joy and laughter. For example, rather than post photos of myself in swimwear as though the social network were a dating site, I donned pig masks and other ghastly ensembles in my profile pics.

I know some people got it, too. Not many, but at least five, I'd say. I worried those five folks would miss me, that I deserted them. But I suppose anyone who really craves my twisted sense of humor will happen upon this "blog" eventually. Let me know if YOU have a blog or website, and I'll check it out!

...Did I just write the phrase "Since my page 'likes' my favorite comic companies..."? Isn't it crazy what the vernacular has become? Can you imagine going back to the year 2008 and using such a phrase in public? Will these InVacebook-coined word variations appear in the next Websters edition? Non-sense.


Monday, March 14, 2011

The Old Master Painter

I thought it was time for a new self-portrait.

I miss the older, really obviously self-copied, self-published zines and minicomics. They had a very special, warm, otherworldly quality to them -- ink smudged to the extent where it was difficult to make out text and small details, old, ironic/weird cut-and-pasted extra stuff in the margins distracted from the creator's original, linear content... I could lay on the floor for hours dissecting it all.

I like some of the newer, more nicely printed stuff, too, but it doesn't take me to the same place. Anyway, I have plenty of old reference material at home so I thought I'd bring the whole cutting-and-pasting thing to the Internet. Feel free to send me some stuff from your collection! I may use it in a future post. And don't forget to like Bibliowhining on Facebook!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

She's Not There

I lost my "active" Moleskine notebook today. That's where I flesh out most of my comic scripts and jot down ideas. The story has a happy ending, though: retracing my steps, I found the lost Pac-Man limited edition black book in the public library lost n' found.

DO YOU THINK ANYONE READ IT?! Imagine reading this stuff out of context. And I totally had my name and address inside, too...YIKES!!

I also had a little writeup (for the purposes of a suspense story) on how to create a false online presence for a competitor. I'll try to remember to scan that next time.

So Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent, is upon us. While not Catholic, I habitually give something up on Lent because it helps me break bad habits long-term. One year I gave up soda, particularly Mountain Dew, which I used to drink all the time. This year I'm giving up bread. I've been eating lots of sandwiches lately, being that there's a WaWa right down the street, and my 4-pack is beginning to soften as a result. Unacceptable. I think the "Barbie dolls" glorified in the media are pretty boring to look at. On an unrelated note, when I lean forward and feel a small roll of fat caving in and exerting pressure against my torso, it's a signal that I need to change my diet and exercise habits. I'm not fat, but I feel discomfort when layers of fat prevent me from comfortably moving as I like. It's very easy to make a small change in my lifestyle to combat the problem before it escalates into something worse, so rather than sandwiches and rolls, I shall satisfy my hunger with rice and other healthy non-bread foods.

I also plan to give up INVACEBOOK. I'll continue to update the blog page, but not my personal profile. That's the plan, at least. I don't know if I'll keep that up, though. I like the Invacebook sometimes because I have lots of cartoonists and writers in my network, and it's awesome reading and looking at their new stuff. I don't waste time on there, or have it connected to my cellular phone. I write lots of long-winded statuses, but I'd be writing somewhere else if not on Facebook. Look at me now!

The problem is, I don't enjoy watching culture crumble before my eyes. "It can't get any worse than this," I think and then some horrible new technology comes up that makes people speak and write shorter sentences and pay less attention to things than the day before. I hate spending time editing long statuses down to 420 (HA!) characters. Seriously, I've spent longer amounts of time editing a damn status down than I did writing this entire blog entry right here. I make that effort because I like to share my thoughts and observations about things, possibly with the intention of starting a little dialogue or banter. Rarely do I write some boring drivel like "today is friday," beacause I don't care much to blather on just so people can see my face on their feed or whatever. But there's no evidence that anyone ever reads 3/4 of my stuff, then meanwhile a sorority girl writes "Good Morning" or something and gets like 50 likes and replies. Discouraging.

I'm also sort of sick of these old-hat political debates popping up all the time, you know. And rarely does anyone have a normal, common sense argument, it's just a rehash of the same old tired lines over and over again. And I get sucked into them, tempted to share my views and it's like a stressful thing. But I know that sharing my views via InVacebook reply in a long chain of 50 other replies would be a giant waste of time and would not change anyone's mind or even be read after the next two respondants bump my comment out of visibility-land.

I hate posting something that's meant to be funny and sarcastic and brighten days and then having kids misread my tone and get offended. The alternative, I suppose, would be to post YouTube clips of Family Guy episodes. I was considering replying to all such offended comments with a link to the "Lemonade? Please" episode of "Itchy & Scratchy," but it is too difficult to find and perhaps too outdated of a reference.

Sometimes I make up fake information about myself, like that I'm "in an open relationship" or some silly nonsense which, while I'm doing it I think is obvious in its facetiousness. Next thing I know hordes of friends are calling me or messaging me or commenting asking if it's so, and who. I hate that, and who cares whether or not I'm in a relationship. Why so interested in that over all else? I get more feedback from nonsense relationship stuff I make up than any comics or artwork. This is also sort of a depressing thing.

And what I REALLY hate is that damn new way photos are displayed, small and in a black frame. What a crapola birthday present that was, as I first saw it on February the 14th. I immediately saw the problem with that, from the very first picture I clicked!!! Practically impossible to decipher small text and hidden background gags in comics and other artwork. And who wants to make the extra effort to actually go to a Web-page or blog and view the art in higher quality, or even to press "refresh" in order to magnify the photo?  Practically no one, as far as I've seen. Clearly, the hack -- Zuckerberg's new girlfriend, I'm guessing -- set up the new photo display imagining duckfaced little teenagers uploading phone pics of themselves donning bikinis and sipping Corona Lights as they tan at the shore. Surely no one uses INVACEBOOK to share their creative output. And yet the coders do nothing to correct sad mistakes such as this, instead they lie doggo, brainstorming the next steps in destroying our civilization. This is another depressing thing about InVacebook. No sir, I don't like it.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Meat Party

Ladies and gentlemen, "Swiney Todd" (c) 2011, Chrissy Spallone

I wrote this "rap" (read it again with rap in mind in case the foot and meter was throwing you off) in the shower a couple weeks ago. It gets boring in there sometimes...not much else to do once I'm finished reading the riddles on my shampoo bottles. Showering is one of my least favorite things to do, but I try to make the best of it.

The gym is another common place where ideas are born. I wrote "Bun Home" on a rowing machine...

I hope you enjoyed "Swiney Todd". The medium is all pencils of varying hardnesses. I used a kneaded eraser to highlight areas where light would hit. One of my favorite techniques.