Friday, December 23, 2011

What Does Your Breakfast Sandwich Say About You?

Having graduated from an elite psychology program, I possess a well of knowledge for all things related to human behavior. Like the editors of Seventeen magazine, I’ve observed that your choice of breakfast egg & cheese sandwich says a lot about you and the friends you choose.

1. Philadelphia Food Truck Egg and Cheese

Because the Philly Food Trucks aren’t as popular or overtly cheerful as the fast food chains, some avoid them in favor of “safer” fare. Don’t be fooled: despite the lack of advertising and “service with a smile,” there’s love in that there sandwich. 

These guys will do anything for you – they’ll stand out in the hot sun and cold rain to serve you breakfast, and they’ll even put the salt, pepper and ketchup directly on the sandwich -- if you want those seasonings, that is. It’s always the perfect amount. With six simple ingredients – cheese, eggs, salt, pepper, ketchup and a roll – the Philadelphia Food Truck guys can whip up an amazingly delicious, wholesome meal like the mother you never had. These sandwiches would like to have a meaningful, sympatico relationship with you. 

2. Fast Food Restaurant Egg & Cheese

Swayed by commercial jingles and glossy photographs, everyone knows that fast food restaurant breakfast sandwiches are the same no matter where he goes. Many prefer service with a nectarian smile of dubious sincerity and the idea that they know what they’re getting – though surely much darkness lies beneath that plastic veneer. 

Like the fly girl at the club, these sandwiches “put themselves out there.” For this reason, many believe these sandwiches are good-quality and worth seeking out. Soaking up bull like the egg in your sandwich, you are a sponge. 

3. Homemade Egg & Cheese Sandwich
Neither a leader nor a follower, you are a loner and surely on your way to becoming a serial killer. What’s that in your closet? Dead bodies and secrets shared with no one. 

As an extrovert who loves partying, I know that my interests and ideas of fun are exactly the same as everyone else’s unless they are crazy. If you fall into the latter category, I’ll order up a nice Wellbutrin/Lexapro/Clonazepam combo to change your nature enough to prevent others from feeling uncomfortable around you. Would you like fries and a soft drink with that?

Go out there and buy yourself a Sausage McMuffin, you antisocial weasel!

Merry Christmas from Bibliowhining.

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