Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Eat It

Bibliowhiner Living

My friend Bradley told me that my comics and sense of humor are so odd that few people will get the joke, least of all potential mates. Well, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, and cooking is always a safe and popular topic, so I thought I'd whet everyone's appetite with some of my favorite ideas for entertaining guests in my home. I am Italian, and quite the little chef!

Don't tell anyone, but these recipes only take about 5 minutes to prepare...that's it! For your next party you'll be stress and responsibility free -- treat yourself to a mani-pedi while waiting for your soon-to-be-overwhelmed guests to arrive.

"Burger Half" 2010 Chrissy Spallone

"Say Cheese" Burgers
Mm-Mm, This is a tasty burger! Your guests won't be able to restrain their smiles after sinking their pearly whites into these tempting sliders!

12 White Castle hamburgers
Gruyere cheese, thinly sliced
24 slices applewood smoked bacon, cut crosswise in half

15 minutes before your guests show up, hit the White Castle drive-thru for a dozen of their famous sliders. Once home, preheat your toaster oven to 400 degrees. Remove the top buns from your burgers and place a slice of Gruyere and two slices of bacon on each. Toast the tiny burgers until the cheese is melted and the bacon crisp. Then, replace the top buns, cut each burger in half, pierce with a toothpick and arrange attractively on a serving platter.

"Cheese and Crackers, Batman!" 2010 Chrissy Spallone

"Puttin' on the Ritz" Cheese-and-Crackers Plate
This modern-day take on an old classic is the greatest thing since sliced bread!

1 box of Ritz crackers
Seedless green grapes
1 12-oz bag grated part-skim cheddar cheese

the bag of grated cheese into a medium-sized bowl and microwave on high for 45 seconds. For a Mexican flair, add a few shakes of cayenne pepper to your cheese. When melted, place in the middle of a tray of Ritz crackers. Insert a spoon in the bowl so that guests can spoon the melted cheese on top of your crackers. Place a festive bunch of grapes in the midst of it.

Tip: Grapes that are brown, spotted, and/or mushy are usually rotten. Remove such grapes from the bunch before serving.

"Untitled" 2010 Chrissy Spallone

Asian Sweet, Sour, and Spicy Iced Tea
Ginger and lemon are celebrated in Asia for their many health benefits, but healthy or not, your guests will love the delicious, tangy taste of this unique tea infusion.

1 pack Fuse instant diet green tea with honey iced tea mix
1 lemon
2 tbsps McCormick dried powdered ginger

the pack of instant iced tea mix with a pitcher of iced spring water. Squeeze the lemon into it, being careful not to let seeds drop into the tea. Slowly add ginger, stirring constantly. This tea may be served immediately, but the longer you steep, the more the flavor of ginger will infuse itself into the tea blend.

Immediately before serving, pour tea into goblets and garnish with coiled strips of lemon rind.

Tip: Have your guests bring their favorite beer, wine, or liquor to the party. That way, you won't have to spend any money on alcohol!


Ok, guys and gals, there you have it. Can I make a living doing this now or do I have to marry Billy Joel first?


  1. Hahaha! I love it, Chrissy! :P You should add some vegetarian dishes for those of us that are challenged in such areas. The pictures are great...I don't think I have ever tried a recipe that didn't come with full-color descriptive images, lol. ;)

  2. The "Puttin' on the Ritz" cheese and crackers plate is vegetarian, and the iced tea is vegan.

    Seriously, though, for true vegetarian eating without buying Morningstar Farms brand "chicken" nuggets every day, I reccommend shallots and garlic cooked in olive oil, then added peas, broccoli and cauliflower, stewed tomatoes and lentils/chickpeas seasoned with lots of curry, ginger and cinnamon, some cubes of tofu if you're feeling adventurous, but with the lentils you should be good on the protein. Serve over rice, basmati rice is my favorite due to the delicious aroma. Dirt cheap, vegan, flavorful, and a full balanced meal. No sarcasm in this comment, that's the basic sort of thing I eat most of the time. Also a huge fan of eggplant. I'm all about strong flavors and usually just make some type of sauce/goulash served over rice or pasta.

  3. Ooohhh...I remember when that pizza restaurant over the bridge in Browns Mills (Family Pizza?) used to have eggplant as a topping option. It was pretty good!!

  4. It doesn't still? There was one pizza restaurant that had some weirdly delicious toppings like mashed potato and corn and (back in my carnivore days) CHEESESTEAK! High school memories...

  5. Wow...mashed potato and corn on a pizza?! Carb overload!!!! :P But the cheesesteak sounds heavenly! Man...I'm so wanting pizza for lunch now...dang it...

  6. These comments and memories were whetting my appetite as well, unfortunately my lunch plans were spoiled when I remembered I'm in upstate New York now, not Browns Mills which has the best pizza in the country, including overrated Chicago pizza. Never tried it, but it's probably better than the pizza in Italy, too.

  7. Psh. That's clearly two-thirds of a burger!

    Very nicely done :) I'll have to try some of these some day, but they might be a bit ambitious for me yet.

    Also, the pizza in Italy is pretty awesome. Super-thin and crispy though, at least where I was. Is there ANY good pizza in Syracuse?

  8. Not as far as I've sampled. I try to stay away from bready, cheesy junk foods, though if we had a Browns Mills style pizza dive around here I might get the urge.